1/15/12 at 5:53pm- "Sitting in my bed and I just got out of it for the first time since 9am. I don't wanna do anything. Everything is completely hopeless because I just can't feel the same again. My vision is constantly blurry and I feel like I'm stuck this way. Why can't I just feel like myself again? I'm just going through the motions. I'm just watching myself write this. I skyped Emily today which made me happy for about 2 minutes then depressed again".
I kept a journal when I was going through hell and
back a little over 3 years ago. Not only to keep track of my thoughts,
feelings, and emotions but to eventually share my story with other sufferers to
show them that it CAN and WILL get better. I made a promise to myself that if I
ever got out of this funk and felt normal again, that I would share my story as
a symbol of hope. I have survived.
Back in 2012, you might mistake me for a walking skeleton. No emotion and no hope, just going through the motions. I could barely eat or sleep and whenever I was able sleep I would wake up shaking, with an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety. I'd lay there, pull the covers back over my head, and try to go back to sleep so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain anymore. I would lay in the same spot for days... but luckily I had my mom pushing me to get up and do things I once enjoyed doing prior to my diagnosis. I knew I had hit rock bottom and I knew there was only going up from here. With my mom being my biggest motivator, I knew anything was possible. I dragged my mom down with me; every hospital visit, every therapy appointment, every program I participated in. She had all the faith in the world in me which helped me push to get the help I desperately needed. And even though I knew I was strong and determined to get better, in the back of my mind, there was only one thing stopping me from taking my own life; my mom. I never wanted to let her down.
Together, we researched and reached out to doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists on how to treat anxiety and depression. Neither of us knew anything about this illness. One of my mom's friends referred me to the Butler Outpatient Program. After reading reviews of the patients online who had been through the program, I had hope of getting better and I was so eager to begin. Aside from the program, I took part in 3 different therapy sessions. It was exhausting but it was well worth it.
6 months later, after getting the help I needed and trying different medications to help my anxiety and depression, I felt like my life was getting back on track. I will never forget that moment when I started to feel happy again and realizing getting help was the best thing I ever did for myself.
So here I am today, 3 years later from when I wrote that chilling entry in my journal. And to tell you the truth, I can still feel that very moment when I wrote that and how grateful I am to be sitting here telling you it is going to get better. And if I can do it, so can you.
There are other people out there suffering from the SAME thing you are. If you don't have an awesome mom by your side like I was fortunate to have, you have a million other people rooting for you. Always remember, you are NOT alone.
GET HELP. Don't think. Get help. I believe in you. I believe in recovery.
Watch this very inspiring video of a young man who shares his empowering story.
Back in 2012, you might mistake me for a walking skeleton. No emotion and no hope, just going through the motions. I could barely eat or sleep and whenever I was able sleep I would wake up shaking, with an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety. I'd lay there, pull the covers back over my head, and try to go back to sleep so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain anymore. I would lay in the same spot for days... but luckily I had my mom pushing me to get up and do things I once enjoyed doing prior to my diagnosis. I knew I had hit rock bottom and I knew there was only going up from here. With my mom being my biggest motivator, I knew anything was possible. I dragged my mom down with me; every hospital visit, every therapy appointment, every program I participated in. She had all the faith in the world in me which helped me push to get the help I desperately needed. And even though I knew I was strong and determined to get better, in the back of my mind, there was only one thing stopping me from taking my own life; my mom. I never wanted to let her down.
Together, we researched and reached out to doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists on how to treat anxiety and depression. Neither of us knew anything about this illness. One of my mom's friends referred me to the Butler Outpatient Program. After reading reviews of the patients online who had been through the program, I had hope of getting better and I was so eager to begin. Aside from the program, I took part in 3 different therapy sessions. It was exhausting but it was well worth it.
6 months later, after getting the help I needed and trying different medications to help my anxiety and depression, I felt like my life was getting back on track. I will never forget that moment when I started to feel happy again and realizing getting help was the best thing I ever did for myself.
So here I am today, 3 years later from when I wrote that chilling entry in my journal. And to tell you the truth, I can still feel that very moment when I wrote that and how grateful I am to be sitting here telling you it is going to get better. And if I can do it, so can you.
There are other people out there suffering from the SAME thing you are. If you don't have an awesome mom by your side like I was fortunate to have, you have a million other people rooting for you. Always remember, you are NOT alone.
GET HELP. Don't think. Get help. I believe in you. I believe in recovery.
Watch this very inspiring video of a young man who shares his empowering story.
If you are depressed or have had thoughts of suicide, please seek help at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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